A new vibe.
A new feeling.
All the feels,
together.
Love.
Grief.
Exposure.
Open.
Excitement.
Readiness.
Hi. It's been a long time since I wrote on here. Not even quite sure anyone even reads this baby anymore. But, I am still going to write on here, because it makes me feel good. Currently, it's June 2017 and I am laying on my couch, relaxing and drinking a beer, watching Netflix. I had a few drinks with one of my best friends tonight and it was amazing. I feel like friendships with close friends is what life is all about now a days.
Here recently, I have felt quit lost, just not sure of myself, not sure who I was, what I want to do...etc, like most humans. I went on a beach trip at the beginning of June and it was like almost life changing. Nothing too important really happened, but I had quite the number of epiphanies during this trip. Like nothing I had experienced before, the beach brought something to me, something deep inside of me that just made me turn my life around and look at it and really think about who I wanted to be.
In March, I lost someone... someone who was so dear to my heart for so so so many years. She helped me grow, she was an inspiration, she was a friend, a lover and comforter. I haven't seen her since 2011, but she impacted my life like non-other. I can't even describe how absolutely amazing she was, beautiful and interesting. I can't believe she is gone, I fell in love so hard when I first met her. Our friendship had grown so many years, but I still felt everything for her. I just, miss her.
Her disappearance has opened my eyes, opened my heart... things are clearer now. It's strange how things have turned out with this, but I want to live a better life because of her. She was such an angel and a light in my life, I want to live a better, wholesome, simple and meaningful life in honor of her. I am traveling to St. Louis, July 22nd to honor her with her family and friends. I have no idea what to think of this, all I know is that I need to let the tears fall and know that I am so glad I got to experience her vibes, her body, her life and her love for just a little bit. I am in awe of her and just can't stop thinking of her. She was a the perfect peach.
With that being said, much has happened this year. I got engaged March of 2017. I am excited to start this new chapter in my life. With so much happening, so much changing, so much in general, I am just excited to have a partner in all of this. I am excited to move away and start a new and start fresh. Move, grow, learn and experience.
I am one. I am alive, I am well, I am loved. I want this year to be a year of smiles, hugs, love notes, written letters, rain falls, hammock afternoons, yummy beer and kitty snuggles. I am excited for what is to come, but right now I am mourning. Right now I can't get passed this absolutely beautiful human that is no longer gracing me on this earth. She is watching me and with me, I can feel her presence with me during certain times. And I love it, but i miss her dearly.
To you, my love, my peach, my lil bub... I miss you. I will send you off and remember you next month. You are loved by so so so many here. I am so glad I got to spend what little time I had with you and the tiny items I have in my hand to cherish, forever. You have always and will always mean the world to me. Your kind words, your soft spoken and interesting ideas. I just loved every part of you and I miss you so.
Thanks for reading. I shall be back with some other news, updates, ideas and feelings. Thanks for reading, if you are still here. :]
2.11
xx
Kate, please.
